Wednesday, August 19, 2009

7 years today

We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.

I feel lucky for having had a "best friend" for 22 years. For experiencing the bond that 2 women can have together for that many years. I miss knowing she would be at the other end of a phone call at any time, if I needed a shoulder to cry on or just someone to hang with for the afternoon.
I miss those lazy days on the deck laughing.
I miss the days spent skiing.
I miss the hikes with the kids when they were young.
I miss the road trips to CA.
I miss going thru all her magazines to find recipes for Thanksgiving dinner.
Oh how I miss her at Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and Easter. We seemed to always find a holiday to get together and drink some wine and cook some good food.
I miss the days we would just pour our hearts out to each other about things that seem so trivial now that she is gone.
I miss the hysterics of watching our 3 beautiful daughters grow up together.
I miss her smile and her hugs.
I miss the way she could make me feel like I always gave her the right advice, didn't matter if she took it or not, I could always make her smile and feel better about herself.
And these things shared for 22 years made it so hard to say goodbye to her.It's been 7 years today since she died and I have thought about her every single day since then.
At first it was sad thoughts, crying at the mention of her. But slowly with the help of some healing music, I learned to focus on the 22 years we had as best friends and not the 22 + years we won't have.

I had to quit thinking we would never sit on the deck and watch our grandkids playing together, we would not grow old together sharing a bottle of wine and another laugh. We won't have anymore Thanksgivings .. But I will always cherish the memories of every day spent with her. And when I need to visit her I listen to "Songbird" by Eva Cassidy and all the emotions I have turned into good thoughts are right there for me to feel. Simple put it's how I visit her.

I have had a small jar of her ashes on the mantle for years, and knowing she was there made me feel good. But a couple weeks ago I was getting ready for a hike up Thomas Lakes. Spur of the moment decision before leaving the house... I grabbed the jar and threw her into my backpack. Janice is going to soar in the meadow among the wildflowers.

A friend I was hiking with had her cats ashes also. She had grown up with Benny for 18 years. And we had no idea the other was bringing ashes. But thought it was pretty cool that Janice and Benny could hang together.. forever..

So Janice here's to you, To the good times and bad, happy and sad. To the laughter and tears.
I will think of you every time the wind blows and know you are floating on a gentle breeze.
A rainbow will always remind me of the colors streaked thru the sky during your memorial and after your ashes were swirled up high.
I will come to the meadow and visit you every summer and never forget the peace I have found having had you in my life.
I miss you my dear friend
I will give your grandkids a kiss for you
Love you Debbie


  1. I love this post... I have read it about 4 times over the last couple days! I miss seeing Janice get all excited over little babies.. just imagine if she could meet her own grand-kids! And I miss hearing her say "ka-knife". She was such a happy person and smiled all the time even when she was sick. Love you Janice!

  2. This is a beautiful post. I have a friend like your Janice and I can not imagine losing her. She was lucky to have you for a friend, I can tell you really loved her!